sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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