we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
