my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
