So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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