I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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