WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
