Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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