he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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