i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
