whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
