she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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