I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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