What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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