Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
