I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
