I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
