you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
