Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
