I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
