Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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