How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
