I'm so fucking centered right now
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
