I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
