oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
