We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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