My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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