I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
