just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
