I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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