Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
