just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
