She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
