just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
hell yes lets make some ravioli
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
