did you get engaged???
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
