Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
