The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
