Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
