Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
