My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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