would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
