if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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