Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
