a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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