Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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