Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
