I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
