hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
