So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
