when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
