weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
